10 Ways to Break the Cycle of Golden Child Syndrome in Children
Golden child syndrome goes beyond just being the “favorite.” It’s when a child is placed on a pedestal and expected to be perfect, often taking on emotional pressure that lingers well into adulthood. If you’re a parent, teacher, or even reflecting on your own experiences, understanding this is the first step toward making things better.
A study in the Psychological Bulletin found that parents often have a favorite, and it’s usually the more agreeable child or a daughter. This favoritism can mess with the mental health and relationships of other siblings, so new age parenting is key.
Identifying Golden Child Syndrome
Golden child syndrome happens when a parent lifts one child above the rest, expecting them to be flawless, not for who they are, but for how well they perform. This goes beyond praise, it’s the pressure to meet certain expectations.
Here’s what you might notice:
- Constant need to succeed or win
- Fear of failing or messing up
- Always trying to please adults
- Suppressing emotions like anger or sadness
- Trouble saying no or asking for what they want
- Strong need to be “the good kid”
- Jealousy or tension with siblings
The Long-Term Effects of Golden Child Syndrome
Growing up as the golden child can have lasting emotional effects. The pressure to always be perfect can lead to perfectionism, which often ends in burnout and anxiety. These kids can also struggle with identity issues because they’ve been conditioned to tie their worth to their achievements. If their value has always been about how well they perform, they may have a hard time figuring out who they are beyond those accomplishments.
On top of that, constantly trying to please others can make it difficult for them to form genuine, healthy relationships. The need to meet high expectations can leave deep emotional scars, as they may feel loved only when they live up to those standards, which messes with their mental well-being over time.
Ways to Help a Child with Golden Child Syndrome
If you’re dealing with a child who’s caught up in golden child syndrome, whether it’s your own kid or someone you care about, there are things you can do to help. It’s all about easing the pressure and creating a space where they can be themselves without feeling like they need to be perfect all the time.
1. Let Them Be Imperfect
Golden children often feel like they have to be flawless. So, show them it’s okay to mess up! Celebrate their effort, not just the outcome. Let them know that mistakes are part of learning and growing, and they don’t need to be perfect to be loved.
2. Give Unconditional Support
These kids often believe that they’re only loved when they succeed or perform well. Remind them that you love them no matter what, whether they get the A, win the game, or mess up. Words like “I love you no matter what” are important, but actions speak louder. Be there for them when things don’t go as planned.
3. Encourage Emotional Expression
They often hide emotions like anger or sadness, as they’ve learned to suppress them over time. Encourage them to express how they feel. Ask things like “How are you really feeling today?” and let them talk freely, even if it’s tough. Emotions, both good and bad, are part of being human.
4. Avoid Sibling Comparisons
One of the worst things you can do is compare them to their siblings. Every child is unique, so treat them that way. Praise their individual traits instead of making them feel like they’re the “better” kid. When you stop comparing, they’ll feel seen for who they are.
5. Help Them Build an Identity Outside of Achievement
Golden children are often defined by what they can accomplish. It’s important to show them that they’re more than just their achievements. Ask about their hobbies, dreams, and what they enjoy doing for fun. Let them explore activities where the goal isn’t to be the best, just to enjoy the process.
6. Model Healthy Boundaries
Kids who grow up as golden children often ignore their own needs. Teach them to set boundaries by setting your own. Respect their “no” and help them learn to say it when they’re not comfortable with something. It’s all about teaching them that it’s okay to put themselves first sometimes.
7. Don’t Rely on Them for Emotional Support
It can be easy to lean on your golden child for emotional support, but that’s a lot to put on their shoulders. Make sure you have other outlets for those heavy conversations. They shouldn’t have to take on the emotional burden of the family.
8. Talk Openly About Family Roles
If you notice the golden child role in your family, don’t just ignore it. Have an honest conversation about it. Explain how these roles can develop and why they’re unhealthy. Be open about wanting to make things more balanced and healthy for everyone.
9. Give Them Permission to Say What They Need
Encourage your child to speak up about what they want or need. Ask questions like “What do you really want right now?” or “Is this something you enjoy?” Let them know it’s okay to say no or to ask for things that feel right for them. Their voice matters, and they need to know that.
10. Consider Family Therapy
Sometimes, the golden child dynamic is part of bigger family patterns. If that’s the case, family therapy can be super helpful. It gives everyone a chance to understand each other’s roles and work through any issues together. Plus, it gives the child a safe space to express feelings they might not feel comfortable sharing otherwise.
Supporting Kids to Be Themselves, Not Just the Perfect Child
At the end of the day, Golden child syndrome may look like favoritism, but it’s a deeper emotional struggle with high expectations and pressure to be perfect. The kids caught in it often feel trapped by expectations, believing they’re only loved when they’re perfect. As they grow up, these pressures can lead to burnout, anxiety, and trouble forming healthy relationships.
If you’re dealing with a golden child dynamic, whether it’s your child or even you as an adult, breaking the cycle is all about creating space for imperfections, encouraging emotional honesty, and showing unconditional love. It’s about helping them feel valued for who they are, not just what they achieve.
