When It’s Okay to File a Complaint Against Your Therapist

Therapy is supposed to be the one place where you can unpack life’s mess, unfiltered, without judgment. A sanctuary. A soft landing. But what if that safe space starts feeling a little… off? What if the person behind the clipboard, the one who’s supposed to guide your healing, is the reason you’re now carrying extra weight in your mental backpack?

It might sound ironic (okay, it is ironic), but sometimes the therapist is the problem. And yes, it’s absolutely okay to speak up.

Let’s talk about when it’s more than just a bad session and when filing a complaint becomes less about overreacting and more about reclaiming your right to ethical care.

1. The “Healing” Starts to Hurt

Let’s get one thing straight: therapy isn’t always comfortable. But there’s a big difference between emotional discomfort that leads to growth and emotional harm that leads to damage.

If your therapist is dismissive, invalidating, or using your vulnerabilities as a chessboard for power play, something’s broken. And it’s not you.

Phrases like “You’re just being sensitive” or “You should be over that by now” might wear the mask of honesty, but behind them often lurks arrogance dressed as tough love. Spoiler alert: it’s not love, and it’s not tough—it’s lazy, condescending, and frankly, dangerous.

2. When Boundaries Are Treated Like Optional Extras

Therapists are trained to maintain professional distance for a reason. It protects both you and them. But when your therapist starts acting like a best friend who just so happens to charge $150 an hour, something’s wrong.

Personal calls, inappropriate compliments, asking for favors, oversharing about their own life, this isn’t intimacy, it’s ego with a therapist license.

If your therapist is blurring the lines and you find yourself playing the role of emotional support instead of receiving it, you’re not in therapy anymore. You’re in a one-sided relationship with a couch cushion playing confessional.

3. Pressure, Not Progress

Let’s not sugarcoat this: if your therapist is pushing you into decisions that serve their values, not yours, that’s a manipulation game with a professional mask.

Whether it’s telling you to forgive someone before you’re ready, pressuring you to quit a job, or worse, nudging you toward a specific belief system, they’ve crossed a line. Your healing isn’t a script for them to direct. Their job is to help you explore, not impose.

And don’t fall for the sweet-sounding ultimatums. “You’ll never be free until you…” is just therapy’s version of gaslighting in a cardigan.

4. When Confidentiality Takes a Coffee Break

This one’s huge. Confidentiality is the cornerstone of trust in therapy. And once that’s broken, even in a “harmless” anecdote, it’s hard to stitch things back together.

If your therapist casually mentions another client’s experience or jokes about a session in a group setting, run. That breach might seem minor on the surface, but it’s a symptom of a deeper professional crack.

Loose lips in the therapy room aren’t just bad form, they’re malpractice dressed up in a friendly shrug.

5. Discrimination That Hides Behind Niceties

Microaggressions, subtle digs, stereotyping—they’ve all shown up in therapy rooms, sometimes so softly you doubt yourself for even noticing.

If you’re LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, part of a marginalized community, or simply living outside what your therapist considers “the norm,” you may find their biases sneak in under the radar. Cloaked in “well-meaning advice” or “just trying to help,” this is harm in disguise.

The irony? The space meant to see and accept all of you is suddenly asking you to shrink.

6. Your Gut is Screaming—Respect It

Sometimes you just know something’s not right. You dread your sessions. You leave feeling worse, not because you’re facing hard truths, but because something feels off.

That’s not paranoia. That’s your body and intuition waving red flags like they’re at a Formula 1 race.

Your instincts don’t need a degree. They don’t lie to keep the peace. When your gut says “get out,” it’s not being dramatic but being protective.

7. Filing a Complaint Without Lighting the Place on Fire

Okay, so you’ve seen the signs. Now what?

Start by documenting what happened like dates, comments, actions, your responses. Then, depending on where you live, you can reach out to the therapist’s licensing board or professional association (like the APA or your state’s board).

This isn’t about revenge or drama. Filing a complaint is a way to uphold standards, protect others, and send a message that therapists aren’t above accountability. Therapy only works when it’s ethical, and ethics matter more than egos.

Therapists Are Human But That’s Not an Excuse

Yes, therapists are human. But being human isn’t a hall pass for poor behavior, and burnout doesn’t excuse boundary-breaking. If we’re going to hold space for people in pain, we need to hold therapists to high standards. And when those standards aren’t met, silence helps no one.

Filing a complaint isn’t disloyal, it’s actually loyal to yourself, to others who might be harmed next, and to the entire practice of therapy, which should be a place of trust.

Because the truth is: the couch doesn’t get to be a confessional if it becomes a trap. And when the healer harms? The real healing starts with calling it out.